Living in the Moment

When I was in my twenties, I had a saying that went something like this, “I’m always happy, just never satisfied.” I proclaimed it often and at the time I considered it to be a rather profound statement. I imagined that it made me sound like a real go-getter; a determined, self-motivated, high achiever, if you will.

When discussing such things as my home, wardrobe, car or most any material object, I would interject this saying, my motto. I had a nice life but I knew things could always be better and the “better” was what I wanted. Although I was a cheerful person I didn’t truly enjoy the stage I was in. I was constantly looking ahead to the future, planning for the time when life would be perfect.

And then I met Jesus and satisfaction soon followed. Quickly I realized that repeating that statement as a Christian reflected on the Lord I claimed to trust in and rely upon. That it seemed to sound as if God wasn’t enough or maybe His grace wasn’t sufficient. I banned it from my lips, which was no easy task. Slowly my motto slipped from my memory never to return again.

Or so I thought.

The other day, as I was taking clothes out of the dryer that looked like they could fit the Hulk, I began to wonder when my children got so big. Wasn’t it just a few years ago when I was needed to tie their shoes, kill the spider on their bedroom floor or turn the kitchen faucet on because it was just beyond their reach?

Now here they are, grown in size, driving, working, and constantly eating. It seems as though there just wasn’t enough time in between. Then it dawned on me that maybe, just maybe, even though my motto hadn’t crossed my lips in years it still may have affected my mindset. There have been many times throughout these years of being at home with my children that I have failed to soak up all this particular stage of life had to offer. Rather than delight in my little ones and the trouble du jour, I wasted way too much time focusing on the future when life would be perfect. Looking towards my tomorrows, I have attempted to shape and mold what I was never in control of in the first place.

I revel in being a mother, I always have but time is what taught me that each stage of a child’s life is very temporary and very precious.

These days I reminisce fondly and even miss the years when I was wanted to wipe a nose or even a dirty derriere; when night after night and year after year one of my little ones  would crawl into bed with us only to keep me awake with their tossing and turning.

There was many a time that my husband and I would stay up late discussing the latest child rearing difficulty at hand. Seeing no light at the end of the tunnel we fell victim to the belief that there wasn’t one. But there was; His light was always there to guide us even when we didn’t know it.

Time is fleeting. Everything will, whether I want it to or not, eventually change. It has taken years but I finally realize that today, right now, is the perfection I’ve been chasing. And tomorrow will take care of itself.