Suddenly there was a man – a harried, agitated, almost crazed man – who tried to grab both the door handle and side mirror. It scared the daylights out of me. I sped up and watched in the rearview mirror as he chased my car. My husband was no longer in sight and all I could do was cry and keep driving.

Once he was out of sight, I finally decided to pray for the Lord to calm me and guide me home safely. As I prayed I felt a conviction that maybe I had jumped to conclusions, maybe he was in need of help.

The area he was in was mostly fields. The more I thought about it, the more I began to think that he may have been in his pajamas. My first reaction had been for my safety but maybe he was the one who had been in danger. I determined that once I got home I would call the police and tell them about the incident.

Fifteen minutes later I was standing in my kitchen telling my family my tale of woe. It was 2AM by that time and when I mentioned I felt I should call the police my husband said it might be better to wait until the morning. It was late and I was tired so I decided he was probably right and I headed off to bed.

In the morning, calling the police didn’t seem all that important. Things always seem scarier when it’s dark so really, maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal. Later that day as I drove to the grocery store I noticed an increase in police presence in the same area I had been through the night before. My heart sank as I thought about what may have occurred all because I hadn’t gotten involved. What if that man had harmed another woman who had been on that road the night before? I didn’t have the guts to stop and ask.

We lived in a small town at that time and the local newspaper was weekly, so it drove me nuts as the days passed and I heard nothing of what was going on. And believe me something was definitely going on; police, firefighters and volunteers were always in sight as I drove around town. At one point, I witnessed about 50 people walking hand-in-hand through a field as if searching for a body. As each day passed I felt worse about not being obedient to the conviction I had felt that night about calling the police. Yet, I couldn’t get myself to rectify the situation.

I was probably the first person to purchase the newspaper on Friday when it came out and sadly the front page story told me everything I needed to know.

My conviction had been from the Holy Spirit and I had been very disobedient.

I cried as I read of a young, mentally challenged man who had gone missing from his parent’s home in the middle of the night. It had been five days of thirty degree temperatures at night and his parent’s believed he was only wearing his pajamas. The general thought was he had probably died from hypothermia and now they were just trying to find the body so the parents could find closure.

I sat in my car and prayed.

Lord God, please don’t let this be true. Lord, you are in complete control and nothing, not even raising the dead, is too hard for you. Don’t let this family suffer because I neglected to obey you. Please, please don’t take him from his family, don’t let them suffer because of my stupidity. I will obey you from now on, Lord. With your help and guidance I will obey you…

I prayed without ceasing for another two days. After hearing a news story on TV about a young man who had, against all odds, survived a week of freezing temperatures by crawling into an old stump, I stopped praying to God and started praising Him instead.

His lessons have not been lost on me and I see God’s hand in each and every one. Our home, Julian’s job, car repairs, college tuition and so many more needs have been used to strengthen and grow our faith.  I can’t help but think it’s my fault. Maybe I prayed, “I believe, Lord, help my unbelief,” one too many times. He answers prayers, you know, yet almost never in a way I would have imagined.

The most amazing thing to me is that in this last year I have seen God answer prayers that I sent up to Him literally over a decade ago. Prayers, if I’m being completely honest, that I had given up on. And just because He can, he said yes – finally.

Which just proves what a sweet lady from church recently told me.  She said that most of the time when God delays his answer to our prayers it’s His way of saying, “Wait.” Wait in God’s economy means yes but just not now. I’m seeing that lately and it too is growing my faith.

I’m also realizing how important it is to truly believe that God does have the power to do what He has promised. That when He says, “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer,” He really means it!

I’m going to occasionally publish – with a few tweaks – some of those that are still applicable today. Since you can’t turn on the news nowadays without feeling the cloud of depression moving in I’ll start with the post below.

Fellow saints, I pray that our God may count you worthy of His calling and that by His power He may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith. I pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in Him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ. (2 Thessalonians 1:11)

The Lord’s Spirit is working greatly on this earth during this troubling time. I along with so many other Christians have a renewed sense of boldness. His Spirit confides in those who fear Him and He is speaking words of hope and promise. People are lamenting, “… things will never be the same …” Praise God! Let this be true, Oh Holy One.

Show me your ways , O Lord, teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.
Psalm 25:4,5

The world does not open it’s heart to truth easily, sometimes that heart has to be broken to be opened at all. Now is the time to tell this hurting world about Christ. We as Christians should not be talking of fear, for the Lord has not given us the spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord. (2 Timothy 1:7,8a) Only His love and forgiveness can heal the pain in this world. We can be bold in our witness regardless of what the future holds because we know personally the One Who holds the future.
Our faith declares that the times ahead will be difficult, but our faith in Christ also comforts us with “a peace that transcends all understanding”, we need to show this peace to others. Strength through adversity and peace in turmoil, these are attributes of true Christianity. If you are finding these difficult to display to the world then you must do something about it. Spend extra time with the Lord; ask Him to reveal Himself through you to others. We need to be in His Word and in prayer for the country. Our witness is not in our words so much as in our actions and if we aren’t truly different than non-believers, what then do we have to offer? If our faith isn’t giving us hope and peace then what exactly does if offer to others? All that we do should be to the Lord’s glory, keep this in mind as you interact with the people around you today. The world is looking for hope and by our words and actions we can either lead them to or away from Him Who offers it.

My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers

At the beginning of our life with Jesus Christ, we were sure we knew all there was to know about following Him. It was a delight to forsake everything else and to throw ourselves before Him in a fearless statement of love. But now we are not quite so sure. Jesus is far ahead of us and is beginning to seem different and unfamiliar— “Jesus was going before them; and they were amazed” (Mark 10:32 ).

There is an aspect of Jesus that chills even a disciple’s heart to its depth and makes his entire spiritual life gasp for air. This unusual Person with His face set “like a flint” (Isaiah 50:7 ) is walking with great determination ahead of me, and He strikes terror right through me. He no longer seems to be my Counselor and Friend and has a point of view about which I know nothing. All I can do is stand and stare at Him in amazement. At first I was confident that I understood Him, but now I am not so sure. I begin to realize that there is a distance between Jesus and me and I can no longer be intimate with Him. I have no idea where He is going, and the goal has become strangely distant.

Jesus Christ had to understand fully every sin and sorrow that human beings could experience, and that is what makes Him seem unfamiliar. When we see this aspect of Him, we realize we really don’t know Him. We don’t recognize even one characteristic of His life, and we don’t know how to begin to follow Him. He is far ahead of us, a Leader who seems totally unfamiliar, and we have no friendship with Him.

The discipline of dismay is an essential lesson which a disciple must learn. The danger is that we tend to look back on our times of obedience and on our past sacrifices to God in an effort to keep our enthusiasm for Him strong (see Isaiah 1:10-11 ). But when the darkness of dismay comes, endure until it is over, because out of it will come the ability to follow Jesus truly, which brings inexpressibly wonderful joy.

I must say, my blogging life has been quite the rollercoaster and I have proven myself to be more than a tinsy bit inconsistent. Friends, some you may know, have been so steadfast in their postings that they’ve even managed to go on to bigger and better things. Their following along with their writing abilities and most likely their revenue have grown temendously. I, on the otherhand, have only been consistent in moving my blog, changing the name and starting over every time I’ve had the urge.

I’ve found out a lot about myself through my blogging experience though. I’ve realized how distasteful hypocrisy is to me and how much I love people who live what they write. I’ve found that I do not enjoy debates and contentious attitudes. I’ve found that putting any online activity before my family and their needs can not end well; that Internet friends are great but real life, flesh and bone, know you well enough to hold you accountable friends are far better. I now know that my grammar skills and my ability to use a semi-colon properly are both lacking. And finally I’ve learned that regardless of all of the above, I really love to write.

I miss putting my thoughts into words on a page. I want to write. Not for all the reasons I used to think I want to write though. Not to become popular. Not to make a lot of money. Not even to make friends online.

I want to write just to put down my thoughts on this journey called the Christian life. I want to be able to read my archives and see the things – small things, big things – all the things that God has done in me and through me. I don’t want to forget.

I don’t want to draw a crowd here unless it’s filled with people who want to praise the Lord for His great and mighty works.

My mind is focused on the things of the Lord as it was years ago when I started my first blog, A Humble Heart. I’m back on the path and quite unwilling to let the blogosphere push my off in any other direction again. I choose not to be part of the blogging community that I once allowed to have  a negative effect on my walk of faith.

In fact, I am not a blogger.

I just want to write.

I can easily endure the few 30 something degree days I’ve experienced so far when they are interspersed among days like today. I actually had windows open and don’t get me started talking about how I sat on the back deck reading as the sun melted my cares away. Thank you, Lord Jesus was all I could verbalize and I did over and over again. I think He got the point.

Hmmm, that’s interesting. I find myself unable to think of anything but the weather now that I brought it up.

I guess if I’m going to keep my word I’ll just have to try writing a real post another day.

I am NOT a curmudgeon.

I am really NOT a bad person but…

I can’t wait until 12/26/08.

Shocking huh?

I am just not a Christmas person.

Thanksgiving? You betcha!

Easter? Absolutely!

Both can easily be celebrated sans all the commercialism. With Christmas this isn’t as easily done. But I’m working on it. I’m trying to find my own way and not follow the way of the marketers or secular world. I refuse to be told how to celebrate the birth of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ by people who love Him not.

What I’d really like to do is figure out a way to take a family mission trip the last two weeks of each year. I know I’ve said this before and didn’t manage to make it happen this year. But my prayer is that next year the Lord would make it possible. Actually not only possible but a reality.

In my heart of hearts I think that would be the perfect way to celebrate Christmas. Well that and 8 dozen Christmas cookies.

I keep trying to think of things to blog about but the most I get from each idea is just a few sentences before I bore myself to sleep. If I can’t stay awake long enough to write a full post I’m smart enough to know my writing will undoubtedly have the same affect (effect?) on you.

[Quick aside: does anyone have an easy way of remembering which of those words should be used when? They trip me up every time and even after I've googled their meanings and usage I always seem to forget.]

Unless of course there are readers out there with insomnia. Let me know and I’ll be more than happy to help you out. In fact, this post may be all you need.

…Anyway, one of my favorite things to do in this house is to read my Bible each morning in my recliner. You know, the one I wanted so badly in the furniture store a few years back, the same one that Julian decided was to become his once it entered the house, yeah that one. Well I reclaimed it when we moved in here and now it faces out to the backyard overlooking the deck, trees, and hills. It’s a beautiful view that reminds me to start the day and my quiet time with thanksgiving.

My day needs to start that way during these uncertain times. Especially if I’ve made the mistake of watching the news before heading off to bed the night before. I’m tired of hearing that the sky is falling. It’s working my last nerve to think that a liberal (fiscally and morally liberal) democrat may be running this panicked, lost nation in a few months. Sadly, the alternative doesn’t make me feel all warm and fuzzy either.

After a stretch of about a week or so where I began to feel the stress and strain of the drama-loving media’s 24/7 blathering, I decided I needed to keep the television off and turn on His Word more often instead. It’s helped tremendously! it’s so easy to forget that it’s the lost world’s viewpoint I’m hearing and not that of someone who truly knows Who’s in control.

God will never leave me nor forsake me no matter how many historic dips, twists, and turns our economy, government and climate take. He is in this for the long haul and I’m sticking as close to His side as possible. It’s where that warm, fuzzy feeling can be found after all.

Reduced says, “I have to, have to, have to get rid of it but I believe it has great value so I want you to be willing to pay for it just to show me you feel the same about it and you WILL take care of it.” Free says, “We both know that I should be paying you to get this stuff out of my sight but maybe you’re on cold medicine and aren’t thinking straight right now so you think you’re getting a deal here.”

The word FREE in most circumstances – free from the bonds of sin and shame, not included of course – is linked to things like this and this and oh yeah, this. Yes, you saw that correctly, someone is giving away a used birthday candle. Don’t bother though, ’cause that one is mine. It’s only an hour’s drive away at the most.

But this! This is a freebie worth mentioning and downloading too. I want to put the graphic in my sidebar but it’s just too darn big so I’ll place it in a post and hope my readers, okay Aunt Edna and Mom, whatever, find it anyway.

[Edited to add] It’s been so long since I blogged regularly that I totally forgot this: Hat tip Annieblogs.com

We will be moving soon.

I can’t wait… but I guess I have to, again.