Blogging, why do you confuse me so?

On one hand I have such fond memories of you. You were there for me when I truly needed you. You introduced me to new friends that I would never have met had you not had a hand in it. You kept me busy, too busy at times, but busy nonetheless when I felt lonely and useless. Blogging, you will always hold a special place in my heart.

Yet, on the other hand you tried desperately to take over my life when I didn’t think to keep you reigned in. My quiet times with the Lord morphed into online discussions. Things that God was attempting to teach me were now suddenly debatable. My poor children and all that they said and did became fodder for potentially millions of unknown readers.  By God’s grace the millions never appeared but the children felt used regardless.

Honestly, Blogging, I want to reunite. Really I do.  But is it possible for us to reconcile on my terms?

I’m older and wiser now and need to let you know that it’s my way or the highway.

The ball’s in your court…

There have been a million things that I’ve found to fill the free time my lack of blogging has produced. Some of them, reading for example, have been fulfilling. Others, like baking, well… just filling.

I must say, my blogging life has been quite the rollercoaster and I have proven myself to be more than a tinsy bit inconsistent. Friends, some you may know, have been so steadfast in their postings that they’ve even managed to go on to bigger and better things. Their following along with their writing abilities and most likely their revenue have grown temendously. I, on the otherhand, have only been consistent in moving my blog, changing the name and starting over every time I’ve had the urge.

I’ve found out a lot about myself through my blogging experience though. I’ve realized how distasteful hypocrisy is to me and how much I love people who live what they write. I’ve found that I do not enjoy debates and contentious attitudes. I’ve found that putting any online activity before my family and their needs can not end well; that Internet friends are great but real life, flesh and bone, know you well enough to hold you accountable friends are far better. I now know that my grammar skills and my ability to use a semi-colon properly are both lacking. And finally I’ve learned that regardless of all of the above, I really love to write.

I miss putting my thoughts into words on a page. I want to write. Not for all the reasons I used to think I want to write though. Not to become popular. Not to make a lot of money. Not even to make friends online.

I want to write just to put down my thoughts on this journey called the Christian life. I want to be able to read my archives and see the things – small things, big things – all the things that God has done in me and through me. I don’t want to forget.

I don’t want to draw a crowd here unless it’s filled with people who want to praise the Lord for His great and mighty works.

My mind is focused on the things of the Lord as it was years ago when I started my first blog, A Humble Heart. I’m back on the path and quite unwilling to let the blogosphere push my off in any other direction again. I choose not to be part of the blogging community that I once allowed to have  a negative effect on my walk of faith.

In fact, I am not a blogger.

I just want to write.