She was 7, maybe 8 when her brother started touching her inappropriately.

There was a TV room upstairs in the attic that her father had built mainly for her older brothers to use. It was fun and different up there. She could see out the second-story window into the backyard and watch the birds land in the cherry tree. It was carpeted and warm with cartoons playing non-stop. He was always up there too, her older brother that she looked up to and her parents adored.

She learned quickly that there was a price to pay if she wanted to spend time with him and so many that would come after him. This hard-learned lesson stayed with her until her death at age 33.

Everyone she met in her life seemed to extract another piece of her. It was the price she paid, to feel wanted, important, or pretty.

No relationship seemed to come without a price tag. Even though the cost seemed of less and less value to her it was so much greater than she knew.

When she started drinking at age 13 it numbed some of the pain but never for long enough. The drugs she started taking at age 14 seemed to be the answer, at least for awhile.

Yet years later no drug had ever wiped the immense regret of her two abortions out of her mind.

What confused her the most through all of this was that no one, no matter how close they were to her, seemed to notice the pain she was in. Her family saw a quiet, good student. Her  friends saw a loud-mouthed party girl. Guys just saw an object to use. No one ever saw her deep, immeasurable pain. No one ever looked at her long enough to notice it.

That woman died 16 years ago.

She was crucified on the cross with Jesus. She no longer lives but Christ lives in her. The life she lives in this body she now lives by faith in the Son of God who loved us and gave himself for us. (Galatians 2:20).

I am a new creation in Christ, the old is gone, the new has come! (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Have you met my Jesus? He can make you new too!

See that tagline above. I wrote that long before I knew how appropriate it would be. It’s been a walk of faith since we moved to Texas nearly 2 years ago. Nothing seems to have come to us except through faith. Sometimes unwavering faith. Sometimes wavering.

His lessons have not been lost on me and I see God’s hand in each and every one. Our home, Julian’s job, car repairs, college tuition and so many more needs have been used to strengthen and grow our faith.  I can’t help but think it’s my fault. Maybe I prayed, “I believe, Lord, help my unbelief,” one too many times. He answers prayers, you know, yet almost never in a way I would have imagined.

The most amazing thing to me is that in this last year I have seen God answer prayers that I sent up to Him literally over a decade ago. Prayers, if I’m being completely honest, that I had given up on. And just because He can, he said yes – finally.

Which just proves what a sweet lady from church recently told me.  She said that most of the time when God delays his answer to our prayers it’s His way of saying, “Wait.” Wait in God’s economy means yes but just not now. I’m seeing that lately and it too is growing my faith.

I’m also realizing how important it is to truly believe that God does have the power to do what He has promised. That when He says, “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer,” He really means it!

There was an awful lot a few years back about the purpose of one’s life. Believers and non-believers alike made one particular book on the subject a best seller. Yet we need only go to our Bibles to find what God says is the purpose that should “drive” us.

Colossians 1:16 says, “For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him…” It seems silly to write an entire book concerning our purpose here on earth when it could so easily be summed up in just a few words – to glorify God. We were created for Him; only He knows each individual’s purpose. Wouldn’t it be more prudent to ask God what He would have us do to glorify Him?

In Revelation 4:11 we read, “Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.” So here’s another reason that the Lord Almighty has created us – for His pleasure. But wait Hebrews 11:6 also says, “But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.” Was this mentioned to all the non-believers looking for a purpose driven life? Was the Gospel clearly laid out to those who don’t know that the Lord Jesus Christ died for their sins and made it possible for them to be reconciled with God through faith in Jesus Christ? Without this life-giving information, it’s impossible for any one to know their true purpose and live it.

God wrote a book too and although it may be the number one best seller of all time, I don’t believe it’s the most read. Every time I search out wisdom from man on my life’s purpose, no matter how well known or how large their church has grown, it’s time taken away from what could have been direct communication with the God of the universe on the subject. I’m not opposed to reading anything other than the Bible but what we do read should always point us back to God’s Word.

I don’t need a purpose driven life. In the long run that simply makes this life all about me and that’s my natural, fleshly inclination anyway. What I need is a Bible-driven life, a life that is centered on and motivated by the Word of God. The Lord has so much He wants to tell us; won’t you let Him speak to you today through His Word?

Father God,
Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Forgive me for looking to others for their advice and teachings on the purpose of my life. Your Word clearly tells me in Job 36:22 that no one can teach me as you can. I pray that from this moment on I will come to you and you alone for your wisdom. I pray that I would glorify you Lord for this is my heart’s desire.
In the mighty name of Jesus Christ. Amen

No, as a matter of fact it has not been a month. I think that’s something I can be proud of, don’t you? I must be getting in the swing of things already.

It’s hard for me to believe that just a couple of years ago making sure I had something to post daily meant everything to me. I remember spending hours and hours each evening typing away. God forbid a post, if even just a meme, wasn’t ready for public viewing the following day. Blogging was my drug of choice I suppose.

Today I am free from the addiction and it feels good. It makes for a whole lot less posting but nonetheless it feels good.

On another note, have you ever thought about what life might be like in the future and then, when you were actually living that future, pondered how different it was from what you thought it would be? I do. Often.

Life is never what I thought it would be.

I’m the kind of person who loves to imagine the miraculous happening. Life usually isn’t all that miraculous though, on a grand scale anyway. I like the thought of a white knight, a good dragon slaying and lots of happily ever afters. I want to witness the impossible, better yet, to be a part of making it happen.

But life is much more mundane than I imagine it should be. For me anyway. For now.

My prayer is that Jesus would compel me to change it.